Fool for Love.

I'm in relationship limbo, but at least the realm has walls that I can see now.

I finally heard back from Lin, after almost two weeks of not hearing from her. Needless to say I was going a little stir-crazy. She confessed how the last few weeks have been difficult for her because she's having to sort through the realizations and repercussions of everything she did last semester, and that talking to Emily and I has been hard because of it. Which I understand- sometimes working through things take time.

Plus, I'd be lying if I said I didn't do at least one snoopy dance when she said that time with him wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.

I said I was sorry she was going through all of it and that I wish I'd tried to help earlier last semester. But the truth is, she says, you can't rescue someone when the prison is their own body.

It's not easy being in love with a crazy woman.

She keeps telling me she's trying to protect me from the other side of her, from her darkness, and I keep telling her I'm not going anywhere. I guess it's going to take something bad happening and me staying put for her to realize I'm telling the truth.

I've come to realize that it really is true. Yeah, I might get scared, but when I think about her all I can think is that I want to be able to make her happy. To make her feel like she doesn't have to hide, and that people will help her through the bad spots. But she's worried that if we take this any farther and actually make a serious thing out of it that it will ruin our friendship. But I think that the best relationships have to be based on something to begin with. And I'm not sure I could handle being around her any other way, now that I know it's possible. I love all the parts of her, good and bad, and all I can do now is wait for her to tell me how she wants to move forward.

It's waiting, but I've gotten used to it. And I think it's something worth waiting for. There are risks in life that are worth taking, and I've never been more sure about anything. Sometimes that scares me, but I figure it will all work out in the end.

Bad movies are awesome.

They really are. I just saw "Drag Me to Hell" with a couple friends, and let's just say it was pretty laughworthy.

Sure, there are times when I jumped in fear, or cringed in disgust (there were just WAY too many bodily fluids in that film. eugh.) but for the most part it was just highly entertaining.

Plus everything that happens in the film is basically inevitable. It kind of reminded me of life. Badly scripted at points, full of nasty shit, and karma karma karma.

What goes around comes around, and people get what they deserve. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or when you want them to, but they do. I guess I'm just vindictive enough to take solace in that fact, or maybe I just like to think that bad people don't go unpunished, and that seemingly good people are punished for a reason.

I just find it entertaining that a really shitty movie made me think about philosophical stuff. What do you know. *shrug*

On an unrelated note, I really miss Lin. I'm hoping that I get to see her sometime in the relatively near future, but it's hard when there's a couple hundred miles in the middle. I just wish we could all go back to school now. My mother and sister are planning to go to San Antonio sometime soon so I'm hoping I can go along and drive out to see her. Any amount of time helps. :)

it's about damn time.

At the moment I feel like I should have done this ages ago.

So much has happened this past semester that has changed me, the people I know, everything in my world, and I probably should have written it all down before now. So for awhile, if anyone reads this, I'm probably going to be traipsing down awful memory lane, and ranting. With some personal opinions on life thrown in now and then.

But for today we'll hold off on that.

I just spent a fair amount of time browsing the blog of an ex of mine- a blog I had never seen. Now before you start thinking I'm some kind of verifiable loony, he told me about it a long time ago and requested that I not look at it. I didn't think anything of it. Well I found a link to it on myspace earlier (yep, it IS always myspace's fault.) and decided to take a look.

Basically what I found was every negative thought he ever had about me, mixed in with a bunch of other random stuff.

The funny thing is, I'm not really offended. We were both pretty awful to each other every once in a while, and I probably *could* be described as a "neurotic high-strung whiny little girl". Or at least neurotic and high-strung, I think I've got my whining pretty much under control.

The fact is we probably should have never been together. All it ever did was send us both down an unneeded painful pathway. I shouldn't have dated him a second time, but something in my brain thought I loved him. *shrug*

I'm pretty much done with men for now though. I've got what I assume to be a steady girlfriend, although we haven't exactly discussed what our relationship consists of yet. I'd pretty much go to hell and back for her.

I HAVE gone to hell and back for her.

But you, mysterious, possibly nonexistant reader, will hear about THAT some other time, when I start chronicling Spring semester '09, or the semester from hell.

Hobey ho, let's go. :P