Friday, April 16, 2010

Word vomit.

This has been a freaking weird semester.

1) Nothing horrible really happened. Which is good.
2) My roommate turned into a psychotic raving bitch. Which is not so good.
3) I stopped caring about that, which is good.
4) The main source of my frustration/affection in the past year decided she's transferring out of state. Which I can't decide how I feel about that.

In January, I guess, I realized that all the shit I've been overthinking, and blaming myself for, is really pointless. And, while this realization is helpful, doesn't stop me from ever overthinking/ analyzing. It took about a month and a half for it to sink in that, once this semester is over, I honestly don't know the next time I'll see her in person.

And it's starting to grate on me. The not knowing. I'd like to be able to think that I've completely moved on and that I can be entirely happy for her because she's found what she wants to study. And I'm like 85-90% there. That last 10-15% is a bitch. For real.

Also, I've been painfully aware of my own failings the past few weeks for some reason. I've always acknowledged them, but lately whenever I talk I'm like "good god self, shut up every once in a while." So I apologize for rambling, to which I get "Don't worry, we're used to it."

Like that's supposed to make me feel better, or something. I don't want to be the kind of person that you have to get "used to." Like, getting "used to" me is some kind of trial or something. Idk. I'm being moody and bitchy cuz I can't figure out what I want from life. And I acknowledge that.

I just wish that did me any good :P

On the plus side, only like 3 more weeks of school, and I get to move out of this insane living situation to go do nothing all summer. Bitchin'.

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