Word vomit.

This has been a freaking weird semester.

1) Nothing horrible really happened. Which is good.
2) My roommate turned into a psychotic raving bitch. Which is not so good.
3) I stopped caring about that, which is good.
4) The main source of my frustration/affection in the past year decided she's transferring out of state. Which I can't decide how I feel about that.

In January, I guess, I realized that all the shit I've been overthinking, and blaming myself for, is really pointless. And, while this realization is helpful, doesn't stop me from ever overthinking/ analyzing. It took about a month and a half for it to sink in that, once this semester is over, I honestly don't know the next time I'll see her in person.

And it's starting to grate on me. The not knowing. I'd like to be able to think that I've completely moved on and that I can be entirely happy for her because she's found what she wants to study. And I'm like 85-90% there. That last 10-15% is a bitch. For real.

Also, I've been painfully aware of my own failings the past few weeks for some reason. I've always acknowledged them, but lately whenever I talk I'm like "good god self, shut up every once in a while." So I apologize for rambling, to which I get "Don't worry, we're used to it."

Like that's supposed to make me feel better, or something. I don't want to be the kind of person that you have to get "used to." Like, getting "used to" me is some kind of trial or something. Idk. I'm being moody and bitchy cuz I can't figure out what I want from life. And I acknowledge that.

I just wish that did me any good :P

On the plus side, only like 3 more weeks of school, and I get to move out of this insane living situation to go do nothing all summer. Bitchin'.

Dear Life,

Today I'm having problems with motivation.

No one is returning my text messages and so I'm stuck at the house by myself, all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Now, you say, why don't you just hop in your car and go do something by yourself? You are always telling me how much you enjoy alone time.

The answer to that is: I don't know. I just can't seem to get off my lazy ass and put on some shoes and get my sunglasses and put the dog up and go outside and start my car and wait for it to cool off and drive to wherever and

Do you see my point? Now, say, if someone contacted me and wanted to do something, I'd be off in a flash. I'd like to know why this is. It's not like I don't have anything to do.

Things I could do today:
1. Clean, and put away laundry. (not likely.)
2. Go hunt down things for my costume. (but that's more fun with a friend.)
3. Go shopping. (but I shouldn't spend money and that's more fun with someone too.)

Do you see my problem here? I seem to have a negative answer for everything. I hate being in moods like this. Any advice is appreciated.

Impatiently awaiting your reply,

Amber.