Word vomit.

This has been a freaking weird semester.

1) Nothing horrible really happened. Which is good.
2) My roommate turned into a psychotic raving bitch. Which is not so good.
3) I stopped caring about that, which is good.
4) The main source of my frustration/affection in the past year decided she's transferring out of state. Which I can't decide how I feel about that.

In January, I guess, I realized that all the shit I've been overthinking, and blaming myself for, is really pointless. And, while this realization is helpful, doesn't stop me from ever overthinking/ analyzing. It took about a month and a half for it to sink in that, once this semester is over, I honestly don't know the next time I'll see her in person.

And it's starting to grate on me. The not knowing. I'd like to be able to think that I've completely moved on and that I can be entirely happy for her because she's found what she wants to study. And I'm like 85-90% there. That last 10-15% is a bitch. For real.

Also, I've been painfully aware of my own failings the past few weeks for some reason. I've always acknowledged them, but lately whenever I talk I'm like "good god self, shut up every once in a while." So I apologize for rambling, to which I get "Don't worry, we're used to it."

Like that's supposed to make me feel better, or something. I don't want to be the kind of person that you have to get "used to." Like, getting "used to" me is some kind of trial or something. Idk. I'm being moody and bitchy cuz I can't figure out what I want from life. And I acknowledge that.

I just wish that did me any good :P

On the plus side, only like 3 more weeks of school, and I get to move out of this insane living situation to go do nothing all summer. Bitchin'.

Pay it Forward.

Today I went out with a couple of friends, and my car was towed. We were downtown, with no way of getting anywhere, and no money.

I was freaking out when a man walked up to the three of us and asked what happened. My friend Josh told him my car was towed, and he asked me how much it cost to retrieve it. I told him. He asked Josh to come with him, and said he'd be back in a minute.

I had meanwhile progressed to the crying stage of shock when you come back to the parking lot and your car is gone, and was trying not to hyperventilate while Lin tried to calm me down.

Josh came back with the man, who handed me a wad of twenties.

"Get your car back, it'll be okay," he said. "My name is Mitch Sweeney- you guys have a good night."

And then he walked off.

I managed to choke out a "Thank you so much" as he was leaving. I counted the twenties. He'd given me $200. I looked up at Josh. "Why did he give me this?"

"I don't know. He wanted to help you. He just walked up to the ATM and withdrew $200," Josh said. "Whatever that guy does for a living- I want to do it."

We called a friend of mine to pick us up and take us to the towing lot. I got my car back.

I won't ever see Mitch Sweeney again, and he never even asked my name. I have no way of paying him back except to someday find a stranger I can do a lifesaving favor for. But his random act of kindness will not be forgotten.

Faith in humanity? Yeah. I've got some.